How One Couple Fought The Porn Habit

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A couple’s story does not have to be defined by or end with porn—we believe there is always hope, especially for partners who equally want to fight for the relationship.

Sometimes, it is those who compulsive porn consumers are closest to who must have the biggest and deepest hope for the future.

Rebecca and Mark’s struggle with porn

We sat down with Rebecca to get a real-life look at how porn can affect marriages.

“Mark shared with me that he occasionally [watched porn] before we got married,” Rebecca shared with us. “However, it wasn’t until we were actually married that I realized how all-consuming the issue was for him. It only took a couple of months before I began to notice that his laptop was always with him at the weirdest of times in the weirdest of places. The sexual and relational signs of an obsession with porn were all there too, and they got more and more pronounced as our relationship continued. After a year or so, I started to wonder whether I should stay with him,” she continued, tears in her eyes.

It’s no wonder she began to think that way.

There’s a wealth of evidence that illuminates how mentally and relationally damaging it can be for a partner to find out that their significant other has been consuming porn. More specifically, partners often feel a wide array of negative emotions including rejection and betrayal. Also, the secrecy, isolation, and lying associated with a porn habit only serve to plant seeds of mistrust that can lead to even greater mental and relational issues.

Given the harm that porn can cause in relationships, it’d be easy to assume that Mark and Rebecca broke up and went their separate ways.

But they didn’t.

“There came a point where I knew I couldn’t go on in the relationship if it was going to continue as it had been… with all the lies and hiding from one another. Mark and I eventually ended up talking about everything. Through a lot of tears, he shared with me how he felt trapped by and ashamed of his addiction. He desperately desired freedom, in addition to a strong marriage with me, but didn’t know what to do to get those things,” she explained. “The conversation was so, so hard, but in hearing Mark share honestly for what seemed like the first time, I felt like I could finally distinguish between him and his porn problem. He was not porn, nor porn him. And, so I chose to stand by his side to fight through it instead of giving up.”

While Mark and Rebecca’s big conversation occurred about one year into their marriage, it would take another three years for Mark’s porn struggle to end completely. Even though it was difficult, Rebecca stayed committed through every counseling session, every setback, and every other difficult conversation the couple would have regarding the struggle.

Together, brick by brick, they dismantled the walls that porn had built around Mark’s heart and mind.

As of today, Mark has been free for over three years and shares a healthy, love-filled, pornless marriage with Rebecca—and he attributes much of his freedom to his wife and her willingness to walk every step of the journey with him.

At 423 Communities, we believe sex addiction cannot be overcome alone. Porn use is a “family systems” problem, and we provide recovery groups for people like Mark and Rebecca. Would you like to join a group of men, women, or young people fighting against pornography and the spirit of porneia? Join a 423 Communities group today.


Dave ScrivenComment