Come Out of Hiding

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Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1 Timothy 6.12 NIV

Confessing to sexual addiction for the first time changes everything. Whether confessing to God or another person, truth spoken aloud has a power we do not often see or experience until after the moment has passed.

The first time I told someone about my addiction was before I joined a 423 Group. She was almost a complete stranger, someone I shared a few classes with in college before she changed schools and I never saw her again. She was a very brave and open woman, sharing her past drug use with me like she was casually describing someone else’s life. Somehow unburdened by her past, she was able to talk about it without a trace of shame in her voice. Maybe I was impressed by that confidence and wished to emulate her. Maybe the Holy Spirit was calling me to shed a little light into the dark, entangled mass inside me. Whatever it was, I found my mouth opening for the first time to say, “I am addicted to pornography and masturbation.”

She did not stare blankly or look away, unsure of how to respond to such a revelation. There was no affirmation of my struggle, no assurance things would be okay, and no offer for help. But I wasn’t asking for any of these things, rather I was exercising a freedom I had never exercised before, like a muscle I always had, but never used.

Until I spoke, I thought my addiction owned me. It told me how to act and think and speak. It was a dark, cold, lonely entity that demanded protection and secrecy. And I obeyed, not believing resistance was even an option. But then I looked across the couch at an addict who defied her dependence with such casual strength, and I knew it could be possible for me too. When I spoke the words, rebelling against the force inside that screamed in protest, she looked me in the eye without a hint of disgust or pity. She looked at me as one recovering addict looks at another and nodded in simple acknowledgment as if to say, “You did it.”

Our conversation continued as easily as it began, and it was not until just recently that I was able to see the impact that moment had on my life, the path it set me on.

Confession is a not a duty or a drudgery. Confession is a gift God has given us as a means of exercising the freedom found in the Holy Spirit. Confession changes everything, and it will change us for the better if we let it.

Contributor: Jordan N.

Jordan NelsonComment