Sexual addiction is a progressive sin. It will get worse. One bad sexual decision leads to another, worse decision – not at first, but eventually. Some men and women assume they can plateau with porneia at a certain point of acceptableness. They hope to find and maintain that level of sin which is high enough to routinely get a small ‘hit’ from their sex drug, but low enough to avoid detection, or at least major disapproval, by God and their own conscience. They actually think that, in so doing, they can effectively manage their sin. They cannot. They have to kill it. Strong, decisive action must be taken to eliminate the addiction.
You cannot argue, debate, or negotiate with a terrorist. Satan is a terrorist with one, and only one, aim… your complete annihilation. His objective is destruction and his strategy is addiction. Kill or be killed. Kill your addiction, or it will kill you.
Some men and women excuse their sexual fantasies and carnal exploits as harmless and normal. The pursuit of porneia is accompanied by a myriad of creative rationalizations:
- “I’m a man (woman). It’s what we do.”
- “God created me to want sex.”
- “I’m not hurting anyone.”
- “It’s OK to look, as long as I don’t touch.”
- “I can’t stop. I’ve tried. It’s not possible.”
- “I can stop anytime I want to.”
- “I am an extremely sexual being.”
- “The woman’s (man's) body is a beautiful thing to be admired.”
- “My wife (husband) doesn’t seem to mind.”
- “I can’t imagine life without sex.”
- “I don’t have a wife (husband). What am I supposed to do?”
- “I can control it. It’s not getting any worse.”
- “It helps me be a better lover to my wife (husband).”
- “Everyone else is doing it.”
- “Our culture throws it in my face. What can I do?”
- “It’s summertime and it’s hot. The girls are wearing less.”
- “I have an overactive libido.”
- “Spandex! What can I say?”
- “Don’t those women (men) know what they do to me?”
- “It’s fine to watch the birds fly by, as long as I don’t let them build a nest in my hair.”
- “The devil made me do it!”
As foolish as some of these statements sound, every one of these excuses contains an element of truth, making it easy for addicts to lie to themselves. They are avoiding the real truth which is simply this… they must have illegitimate sexual experiences. The more dangerous, risky, exotic, explicit, and forbidden, the better. Nothing else offers the exhilaration, intoxication, and release they crave. The lure of the thrill is just too much to bear. It’s an irresistible rush of dopamine promising (and delivering) immediate and indescribable pleasure. It’s coming at them with the unrelenting sexual force of a Category 5 hurricane. Addicts cannot stop their pursuit of porneia. They want it and will have it at any cost.
What the addict doesn’t know, or refuses to believe, is that sex addiction is progressive. It will spiral out of control and plummet depths of horribleness that would sicken the sex-drug user if he or she could view their future. They are on a path that eventually leads to a dirty, dark destination, terminating at violent sex, orgy sex, public sex, animal sex, child sex, or in extreme cases, death sex by methods too disturbing to describe in this post. On the threshold of unspeakable acts such as these, the mere mention of which should cause anyone’s stomach to churn, it’s too late for the addict. He or she is now near the end of the joy ride and faces public humiliation, loss of family and income, incarceration, and death.
I shall never forget meeting a young man whose sin escalated to the place where he sexually fondled his own little girls. He was on his way to prison, and he knew it was the right place for him to be. He wondered if he would ever see his precious children again. Please do not say, “I would never do anything that bad.” Every man or woman who ever did “anything that bad” once believed they never would.
The problem of people becoming insanely stupid when preoccupied with bad sex is not new. It was the subject of 3,000 year old warnings like the one below:
Self-validation in the face of sin is a form of deception, leading the addict further down a path of devastation and ruin. Every man or woman’s behavior points them in a specific direction. Direction determines destination, and our destination eventually becomes our destiny. Our destiny defines us to the world and leaves a posterity we can never change.
Are you a man or woman of God? Then you are determined to leave the world a better place than your found it. You are concerned about your influence on those who will follow in your footsteps. You consider the future and work backwards from there. You reverse engineer your life plan by making wise decisions today which will define the future you envision.
Question: What should be inscribed on a man or woman’s tombstone?
Answer: That which is memorialized in the hearts of those they left behind.
What will those words be? The good man or woman imagines their destiny and makes choices today in keeping with their grand and final goal.
One of Israel’s worst leaders, King Jehoram, “passed away to no one’s regret” (2nd Chronicles 21.20 NIV), a sad but predictable fate for the person who lives without regard for the next generation. Nearly one thousand people attended my wife’s funeral. Adonica “passed away to… [the] regret” of many because she showed great love and concern for those she was leaving behind, even before she knew she was dying of cancer. We all die, and what we do with our short, allotted time matters. It matters greatly. The wisest of all men, King Solomon, once said, “The end of a matter is better than its beginning” (Ecclesiastes 7.8 NASB) or, as my friend Greg Wright, says, “Live your epitaph, not your résumé.” A wise man or woman fully comprehends the fact that everything about their decisions this day will impact their future and the futures of those they love, so they choose wisely and act accordingly now.
Bad sex never satisfies. The pursuit of porneia has no endpoint beyond death. Addicts cannot snatch the carrot swinging on the stick just inches beyond their grasp but, against all reason, they keep on trying. They imagine there must be something more, a sexual nirvana, the ultimate fantasy, the climax to beat all climaxes. They will find it or die trying, and die they will for “there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death” (Proverbs 14.12 ESV).
This is the ‘novelty effect’ in action. Internet porn overstimulates the brain by providing an unending supply of sexual novelty. Perhaps it is not sex alone that drives an addict, but rather the search for new and exciting forms of sex yet to be imagined. Unopposed and given enough time, this addictive quest can prove deadly... death to careers, death to relationships, death to integrity, death to hope, death to dreams and their future fulfillment, death to love, and even death to the gifts of temporal and eternal life.
I know a man who sat in front of his computer screen trying to locate the perfect sexual image all night long. Time passed without his notice, until it was 6:00 a.m. and he had to get ready for a day’s work with no sleep.
I know a family doctor who lost a successful fifteen year practice because he could not stop viewing pornography at his medical office.
I know a woman who considered suicide when she discovered her husband was viewing pornography.
I know a man whose wife threatened divorce if he did not stop his porn habit. He didn’t stop. He just got more secretive. She found out and divorced him, just like she said.
I know a young man who actively masturbated to online porn for years, but could not get an erection on his wedding night.
I know a grown man who wept uncontrollably when sharing his story of being sexually abused by an older relative when he was a pre-teen.
I know a man who crashed his car because he was staring at a woman on the street rather than watching the road.
I know a man who stripped at a nude beach while conducting his favorite pastime of voyeurism. When he returned to the parking lot, his car was stolen. (That last guy was me.)
Make no mistake, porneia steals life, energy, and happiness, and yet, there is hope!
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 From comedian Flip Wilson’s (1933-1998) character Geraldine Jones’ famous lines: “The devil made me buy this dress,” “When you’re hot, you’re hot; when you’re not, you’re not,” and “What you see is what you get.”
 Seven Pillars of Freedom, by Dr. Ted Roberts, Pure Desire Ministries, © 2009, p. 41.